Today's topic is about how to motivate your team when you are not feeling motivated yourself. I'm going to share eight practical tips and reminders that will help you get through those tough moments when you're feeling like you don't have it in you to go out and motivate anybody else. So you can get out there and make things happen without feeling like you're faking it. I see the role of a transformative leader as one of elevating every conversation from survival to possibility. Getting people in touch with what is possible and bringing a contagious spirit of positivity and hope into the conversation that will dwarf any challenge that is in front of us. This doesn't mean we deny that we have challenges, it's just that we can keep those challenges from getting us down to a point where we have no energy and enthusiasm ourselves to spread to our teams. I've also been around long enough and I've had enough challenging leadership roles to know that this is a whole lot easier said than done. Yeah, just go out there and be motivated and so on and so forth. No, it's not about faking it. It's not about just doing something or saying something. It's about fundamentally looking at what is your mindset that is keeping you from being as effective as you can be as a transformative leader. I always emphasize that it is important for transformative leaders to have the right skills and tools, but what's most important is that we have the right mindset. And I want to share with you a few reminders that will help you shift your mindset and put you in touch with the transformative leader within who is more than capable of being authentic and energizing at the same time. So the first thing to remember is that you don't have to fake it to be energizing even when you have a major concern. You see, a lot of times people see a conflict between these two things. It's like, okay, if I, as a leader, am facing significant challenges that my team doesn't really know about or doesn't feel, how can I be real and not deflate the team? Or if I want to keep it from them, am I faking it? How do I deal with that? Well, there's definitely a way to do that. You see, we falsely envision that if we are under a lot of pressure and we choose to share that with the team, that we're going to come across as victims. For instance, you could go to the team and say, well, guys, here we go again. You know, it rolls downhill and all heck is breaking loose and we have all of these issues and I have no idea how to deal with it and all of this kind of stuff. And then you're coming across as a victim and you're not energizing anybody. Or if you try to keep it to yourself and fake it, they're going to see it anyway. They're going to know that you're under stress. So really the best thing to do is be honest and authentic about the challenge that is ahead of us. It says, look, you know, we have this challenge. This is not going our way. The results that we delivered falls short and we have this other thing that we've got to go deliver. And at this point, I'm not really sure exactly how we're going to do that, but I'm confident that when we come together, we're going to make this happen. So there are two ways to share the concern and the challenges. One is as a victim, and you don't want to do that. Or the other is to still be energizing and enthusiastic while you're honest about your own doubts and your own concerns. And in fact, one of the things that this does is that it invites the team to participate in coming up with solutions. As a matter of fact, it is always a healthy thing when the leader is confident enough to share that they don't have all the answers. And this really strengthens the team and brings them together to find solutions to get. The second thing I want you to remember is that you don't have to be perfect to be a great leader. As a leader, you are going to make mistakes. You're going to fall short from time to time. People on your team are not expecting their leader to be completely perfect and spotless in every area. They are looking for a leader who is able to handle his or her imperfections gracefully and in the right way. So if you've made a mistake, if you've fallen short, if you did something you weren't supposed to do or failed to do something you were supposed to do, the only thing to do is to clean it up, to own up to it and make it right. And in fact, you'll see that once you've made a mistake and you've proven your team that you are willing to own up to it and you have the courage to stand up and raise your hand say you know what, that was my fault and here's what i'm gonna do to clean it up. Your credibility will be much more solid with the team than if you had never made a mistake to begin with. The next thing to remember is that the way you feel is not always a prerequisite for how you behave. You may not be feeling like getting in front of your team and giving them an update, but you don't have to ask for permission from your feelings to do that. In fact, it is a whole lot easier to behave your way into a new way of thinking than it is to try to think your way into a new way of behaving. I don't know about you, but as for me, a few times in my life, at least, I've talked myself out of getting up and working out when I was supposed to, right? Because there's that little voice in the back of my head that says, ah, you're not going to be Mr. Universe anyway. Why don't we skip today and things like that? And if you try to think your way into a new way of behaving, it just doesn't work. Sometimes while those feelings and thoughts are floating around, you ought to get in action, get up and put on your shoes and go downstairs and get on the treadmill while that conversation is going on in your head. The same is true as a leader. You don't always have to feel like doing something for you to just get in action and do it. You will find that when you get in action and you behave, whether it's cleaning up something that you messed up in the past or delivering a tough message or whatever it is that you don't feel like doing, once you get into it, that changes your thoughts and ultimately your emotions about that situation. The next thing to remember is that you and only you are responsible for your emotions. Has it ever happened to you where you feel like you're demotivated and you're down but you can't really put your finger on why that is? And isn't it true that we usually look out there for the cause? Ah, it's that thing that that person said, or that thing that that person did, or those circumstances, that's why I'm feeling this way, right? I want to tell you something that may seem a bit counterintuitive, but I'd like you to think about this, that what other people say and do has nothing to do with you, and how you feel about what they said and did has nothing to do with them. How you feel about a certain circumstance has nothing to do with something out there, but whatever button it pushed in you. So whenever you are in that situation, when you feel like you're the victim of a certain circumstance, remind yourself that you are responsible for your emotions. Yeah, you may still be unhappy about the situation, but if you truly embrace this idea that you are responsible for your emotions, you get to decide whether you want to accept that situation as it is or accept the responsibility for changing it, or at least find some other solution as opposed to being a victim to the circumstance that has got you down. The next reminder that might help you get out of a rut is that things are often much simpler and not nearly as complex as we make them out in our own heads. I am personally guilty of over-complicating things. When something is going on, I am more of a thinker. I think about all the possibilities and what led to this and now what's going to happen. And if I do this, what's going to happen and all that. And before you know it, I have this complex web in front of me that de-energizes me and often could actually keep me stuck where I'm at. But The opposite of this is this fictional character, Forrest Gump. You might know Forrest Gump from the movie. I even read the book. And in the book, he accomplished even more. Now, Forrest Gump, this fictional character, was not a smart person, individual per se. He was not very intelligent, but he had a one-track mind. When he focused on running, he was running and he went off and, you know, got a scholarship and to college and so on and so forth. He became the best runner that he could be. Whatever he put his mind to, he did it in a really simple fashion and stayed committed to that one thing. Now, I know we're not Forrest Gump and actually our ability to think beyond the simple things serves us in many situations. But here's a practical way for you to get out of overcomplicating things. There are two questions that you can ask yourself in any situation that appears to be extremely complex. And when you are just perplexed and you just don't know what else to do.
The first question is what outcome am I committed to? What is it that I want to create? What results am I committed to achieving? The second question is what is the next step that I need to take in order to make that happen? What is the best thing I can do next? You see, if you're driving in the fog, you don't want to be so concerned about Where are you going to go in a mile or two from here? Do I go right or left? Because you can only see 100 yards in front of you. You don't need to turn on your high beams. You need to turn on your fog lights and see right in front of you and see where you're going and just focus on that next step until the fog lifts and then you can see a little bit more. So in those situations when you are stuck, act like your GPS.
When you're running your GPS, the GPS is not so concerned about all the moves you have to make. It's just basically saying, look, we're going there, and right now this is where we are, and this is the next move. And if you make the wrong move, by the way, the GPS doesn't say, you stupid idiot, why did you do that? It just says, make a left, and then make a right, and then it puts you back on your right path. So next time you find yourself overcomplicating the situation, just ask yourself two questions. What outcome am I committed to? And what is the best next step I can take? The next thing I'd like you to remember is that you can generate yourself to be and show up a certain way in any situation. You see, we have default ways of being that have sort of found their way into our daily routines or weekly routines. On Monday mornings, you know, when you ask somebody, how are you doing? They might say, well, it's Monday. They may not even really think about it, but that's just what Monday means to them because they know that they generally are not looking forward to their week at work, perhaps. On Friday, you ask them how things are going. They're like, well, TGIF, man, this, you know, thank God it's Friday, right? And they might be excited because they're looking forward to something. The point is that you are not a victim of whatever the circumstance is that has gotten you to be and show up a certain way. You can actually generate yourself. You can decide if you're going into a meeting that requires a certain level of creativity, you can generate yourself as an innovative person. If you're going into a conversation that is emotional, you can generate yourself as a good listener. You can decide how you want to show up and what the situation calls for, for you as a leader to show up with a certain kind of mindset and presence. The default way of being is always gonna be there, but it is up to you to be intentional about deciding how you're going to show up. And it has nothing to do with faking it. The practical tip here is rather than trying to fake not being upset or disappointed, put yourself in touch with the ultimate commitment that you're going for. So it's not about faking it and acting like you're happy. It's about truly tapping into your commitment. If your team is not doing well, the results are not there or something else is going on, what is your commitment? Not what you're trying to get away from, but what you're trying to move toward. Your commitment is to have your team be successful and deliver extraordinary results and experience fulfillment. Well, tap into that commitment and discover what it really calls for in terms of how you show up and who you show up as in the moment. The next thing to remember is that the conversations that you're in determine the quality of your life. This starts with the conversation you're having with yourself, by the way, your inner dialogue, but it also includes the conversations that you're having with others. Sometimes we're tempted when we're in a bad place to talk to someone who will commiserate with us, We'll just say, oh, geez, yeah, I know what you mean. Let me tell you how awful it is for me. Those people, yeah, yeah, they did the same thing to me, right? And yeah, we all have a need to vent and that's totally fine. And in fact, it's healthy to have an outlet somewhere where we can really kind of let our hair down, if you will, and vent. But what you don't need is conversations that will just perpetuate your misery.
What you wanna do is you wanna surround yourself with people who will let you vent, but won't allow you to make venting a way of life, right? You want accountability partners who will pull you out of that. And so I'd encourage you in those situations when you're feeling down and you're not feeling motivated to really take responsibility for getting yourself motivated. And if you can't do it by yourself, Get an accountability partner. Identify those people ahead of time and talk to them and let them know that, look, you know, from time to time I may come to you to vent a little bit. And here's what I really would like from you is to kind of check my conversation, my inner dialogue and whatever I'm telling you to say, okay, well, you know, how much of that is fact? How much of it is a story that I made up in my head? And just get me calibrated. Because when you are in that situation where you're just down and out, you want to get yourself in those energizing conversations that will shift your mindset and change your experience of your life and leadership. The last thing I'd like you to remember is that focusing on a higher purpose, something greater than you, will always get you out of the rut. Would you agree that most of the negative thoughts that are floating around in your head are about you? what happened to you? What's going to happen to you? Why they didn't do this for you? And so on and so forth. I certainly find myself there. You know, I have this saying that says, I am the one and it's not about me. And what that's really intended to say is i am the one. I accept responsibility and accountability. And I have to remind myself that it is not about me. When it's all about me, I get inundated with these negative thoughts. When I get my focus off of me,
and on a greater purpose, then the negative thoughts go away and make room for transformative thoughts. I practice this literally every time I get in front of an audience because my default mode is, are they going to like me? Are they not going to like me? Am I going to look good? Am I going to look bad? And all of that. It's all about me. But I always remind myself that it is not about me. It is about the difference that I want to make for that audience. And the focus on that greater purpose calms down my thoughts about me and focuses me on doing what I need to do. In fact, I experienced this when I wrote my book, The Transformative Leader. When I was starting to write the book, I was so focused on the difference this book was going to make for other people. And a lot of really great thoughts were coming and I was writing. But then at some point, it dawned on me that I was going to be an author. I was going to be famous. I might even be rich. And it became all about me. And I experienced at least a two or three week period where I had writer's block. I mean, I was writing, but nothing really profound was coming. And then I really caught myself. It had become all about me. And it is not about me. It is about what this book is going to do for other people. In fact, I clearly remember that once I had that epiphany, I wrote this little note that said, my book is someone's answer to their prayer. That's what it's about. And who am I to get in the way of that by thinking,
about the implications on me. So next time you find yourself in a rut, think of a higher purpose. What are you there for? What higher purpose are you going to serve? And shift your focus away from you and on that greater purpose. I know that all of these tips may not apply to you right this moment. But if you take these eight tips and review them from time to time, maybe put it on a little note and keep it in front of you on your phone or on your computer or somewhere. And next time you find yourself down and out and you find yourself demotivated, but you want to get out there and motivate your team, please understand that there is an alternative to fake it till you make it. And take a look at this list and figure out which one of these reminders would serve you well in that moment so you can get out there and be the kind of leader that you already are.

Summary

One of the challenges of leadership is figuring out how to motivate your team when you aren't feeling particularly motivated yourself. I've experienced those moments, and I know that simply telling yourself to go out there and be positive doesn't work.

Being a Transformative Leader is about elevating every conversation from survival to possibility and bringing a contagious spirit of hope and optimism to the people around you, even when things are difficult. But that doesn't mean pretending everything is fine or faking enthusiasm. It means examining the mindset keeping you from being as effective as you could be and reconnecting with the Transformative Leader within. In that spirit, I want to share eight reminders that can help you shift your mindset, regain your energy, and show up authentically for your team, even when you're facing significant challenges yourself:

First, you don't have to fake it to be energizing. You can be honest about the challenges and your concerns without coming across as a victim. In fact, acknowledging that you don't have all the answers can invite your team to participate in finding solutions. Second, you don't have to be perfect to be a great leader. When you make mistakes, own them, clean them up, and make things right.

Third, the way you feel is not always a prerequisite for how you behave. Sometimes you need to take action first and then let your thoughts and emotions catch up. Fourth, you and only you are responsible for your emotions. Rather than blaming circumstances or other people's behavior for how you feel, recognize that you have a choice in how you respond and whether you accept the situation or take responsibility for changing it.

The fifth reminder is that things are often much simpler than we make them out to be. When you feel overwhelmed by complexity, ask yourself two questions: What outcome am I committed to, and what is the best next step I can take? Just like driving in the fog, you don't need to see the entire road; you only need to see far enough to take the next step. Sixth, you can generate yourself to show up a certain way in any situation. Instead of allowing circumstances or your default mood to determine how you behave, consciously choose the mindset and presence the situation calls for.

Seventh, the conversations you're in determine the quality of your life. Pay attention to your inner dialogue and surround yourself with people who will let you vent but won't allow you to stay stuck in negativity. Find accountability partners who can help you distinguish facts from the stories you create in your head. Finally, focus on a higher purpose, something greater than yourself. I have a signature saying: "I am the one, and it's not about me." When I focus on the difference I want to make for others rather than worrying about how I will be perceived, my negative thoughts begin to fade and transformative thoughts take their place.

Fortunately, there’s an alternative to “fake it till you make it.” You don't have to wait until you feel motivated to show up as an energizing leader. You can take responsibility for your mindset, your behavior, and the conversations you're having, and reconnect with the purpose that drives you. I encourage you to keep these eight reminders somewhere you can revisit them when you're feeling down or demotivated. The next time you find yourself in that situation, ask yourself which of these reminders would serve you best. You already have the potential to be the kind of leader your team needs. Sometimes you just need to get back in touch with that truth.

Key Points

Share the reality of difficult circumstances while expressing confidence in your team's ability to work together and find solutions.
You don't need to be a perfect leader. Your credibility grows when people see you take responsibility for your imperfections.
Don't wait for your feelings to change before taking action. Often, changing your behavior is the fastest way to change your thoughts and emotions.
Other people's actions and external circumstances don't have to dictate how you feel or how you respond.
Simplify complex situations by focusing on two questions: What outcome am I committed to? What is the best next step I can take?
Rather than allowing your default mood or circumstances to determine your behavior, generate the mindset the situation calls for.
Your internal dialogue and the people you surround yourself with can either reinforce negativity or help you regain perspective.
Surround yourself with people who allow you to vent but also help you distinguish facts from assumptions and stories.
Reconnect with a higher purpose. Shift your focus away from personal worries and toward the difference you want to make for others.
Remember that motivation starts with mindset, not just skills and tools. You already have the potential to be an energizing leader. The challenge is learning how to access it when circumstances are difficult.

Quotes

"The role of a Transformative Leader is to elevate every conversation from survival to possibility."
"You don't have to be perfect to be a great leader."
"It's a whole lot easier to behave your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of behaving."
“You don't have to ask permission from your feelings to do what needs to be done."
"What other people say and do has nothing to do with you, and how you feel about what they said and did has nothing to do with them."
"You don't need to turn on your high beams when you're driving in the fog. You need to turn on your fog lights."
"Your default way of being will always be there, but it is up to you to be intentional about deciding how you're going to show up."
"You want people who will let you vent, but won't allow you to make venting a way of life."
"When it's all about me, I get inundated with negative thoughts. When I get my focus off of me and on a greater purpose, those negative thoughts go away and make room for transformative thoughts."