Some bosses inspire you to become more like them. Others teach you lessons about what not to do and how not to be. And you can learn valuable lessons from both. In my 31 years in the corporate world before I started the Ghannad Group, I had a lot of really great teachers. Many of them were my bosses. And honestly, there were probably more teachers who were in my organizations. They were people who reported to me, but they had a great amount of wisdom and they were generous enough to share it with me. But the unlikely place where I learned a great deal of lessons from is those bosses that displayed from time to time toxic behavior. In this video, I want to share with you a few stories and the lessons that I learned from toxic behaviors that were displayed by my bosses. The Wednesday night massacre. My boss had made it very clear to me and three other guys who were in the same role as maintenance managers that when we planned an outage, we would not make any changes to the plan in the week prior to the outage. We would shut down, we would have a plan, and we would just go for it. And in the last week, we weren't allowed to make any changes. Well, what led to this massacre was that a few days before a particular outage, my colleagues and I noticed that there was a very small item that really needed to be done. This was a multi-million dollar piece of equipment that we were going to shut down, and that was a great opportunity for us to add this one task. Feeling entrepreneurial and thinking we're doing the right thing, we made the change and then we attended this monthly gathering with my boss. He would get us together once a month and buy us a few beers and basically get the straight scoop on what's going on. So we proudly walked into this gathering and there were probably about 14 or 15 of us there. And somewhere along the way, one of us mentioned to my boss that, hey, By the way, just want to let you know, we did make one exception. We added this minor task, which we felt that would be good to add to this maintenance outage. And in that moment, it was very clear that we had absolutely committed a cardinal sin because it was like my boss turned into the Incredible Hulk. He immediately shifted his mood and became belligerent and went off on us. So the four of us sitting there got a lecture for about 10 minutes about what lousy managers we were and how we had violated his expectations and that was just not good to do. And everyone else was just sitting there watching this exchange. Well, it wasn't really an exchange. We were just being bombarded with insults. And then he dismissed everybody else and he chewed us out a little bit more. And then he dismissed us as well. We were bewildered by this whole event. Like, first of all, we really knew we did the right thing. But secondly, even if we did something wrong, we didn't feel like we deserved to be raked over the coals in front of our peers. A few days later, I think he had done some thinking about it and knew that it wasn't really the right thing to do. So he got us together and he reiterated his expectations and delivered a kind of a non apology. So, this particular event went down in history as the Wednesday Night Massacre, and I have the scars to show for it. But I also learned a couple of really valuable lessons. The first lesson I learned from this event is that I should not be overly cautious about protecting myself, and I need to do what is right for the business. Now, I'm not suggesting that you just go rogue and do whatever you want. Of course, your boss's expectations are important. But if you see a conflict between doing the right thing for the business and following some arbitrary expectation, then do what needs to be done. And this was not clear to me at the time. I was quite scared and quite cautious and possibly for months and years, I was overly cautious to make sure I don't ever put myself in that situation. But many years later, now I can look back and say, you know what, the scars healed, but I'm glad that we did what we needed to do for the business because it was the right thing to do. The second lesson that I've learned is that embarrassing people in front of their peers is never a good idea. It's important to make sure that you make your expectations clear. And if there are deviations that you have that conversation and it's perfectly fine to be firm and clear about the expectations about consequences, but embarrassing people in front of their peers is a no-no. It's something that is coming from you dealing with whatever emotions you're dealing with, as opposed to taking an effective approach to correcting a behavior. Rehearsed intimidation. This event happened when my plant was going through a tough time. I was the plant manager. I had recently gotten there. We had tons of problems. We were working through all those issues. And this was a story that ended up having a happy ending eventually. We went from being the worst to the best. But in the process, it was a very tough experience. And so on this particular occasion, my boss and his boss were coming to visit the plant. And I was looking forward to the conversations to let them know what was going well, what was not going well. My thought was, well, they're here to figure out how they can support us. But how things turned out were quite different. As I started to give them an update, Like within seconds, my boss's boss stopped me and she literally started yelling about how progress was not being made. What the heck is going on? What are you doing anyway? And by the way, that is what I was about to explain. But I knew from previous experiences that This was not a time when I should just say what I was planning to say. I should give very short answers to whatever questions she had and then let that be that. So she literally went on a tirade about everything that she was frustrated about. And I had very little chance to explain anything or share any of our progress or ask for any kind of support. What made matters worse was that I found out later that this was not some spontaneous emotional outburst, but it was rehearsed. I understood that essentially they had talked about who was going to sit where and who was going to be the good guy or the bad guy or the bad guy and the worst guy, if you will, and what was going to be said and all of that. All of that was rehearsed in advance. The lesson I learned from this incident is that while I should never shy away from delivering a tough message, I will never rehearse a premeditated drama procedure that I will deliver the tough message, but I will listen and I will respond not because I have already decided what I'm going to say no matter what the other person says, but because I want them to listen and hear my message, but I also want them to feel understood. No win situation. In the same plant that I mentioned in another story where we were going through a tough time, my boss and his boss decided that they were going to take turns and spend a week each at the plant and solve these simple problems that we just didn't seem to have a handle on. Well, this went on for a few weeks, they would take turns and camp out at the plant. And soon it became real clear that these problems we were dealing with were far more complex than they anticipated. In this process, it became real clear to me that if they were able to solve the problems, then they would be the heroes because they helicoptered in and they solved the problems and we would still be the bad guys. But if they weren't able to solve the problems, then it was because we had screwed things up so badly that even they couldn't fix it. So either way, it was a no-win situation for those of us who were in the plant and working hard every day to solve the problems. The lesson I learned from this incident is that leaders must be supporters and guides, not heroes. Even if they have ideas, if they have solutions, they need to empower and support their people and make sure that they are the guides that enable the solution to be applied and empower the people to become the heroes. As opposed to helicoptering in, solving problems, and then taking credit for having done so. Caught in the crossfire. I was once in an assignment where I had a direct boss and a regional boss. And these two were supposedly good friends personally, but they just did not see eye to eye professionally. And they were like fire and water. I always got different directions from those two. And I was just never able to reconcile these opposing directions. And I was always in hot water with one or the other. And so as I ended that assignment in not a glamorous way, I was told by my regional boss, who was again, supposedly the friend of this direct boss, that he felt that my direct boss wouldn't know which end of the hammer to hold if you handed him one. And that statement right there told me that he had no respect for this other boss and he also admitted to me that I was caught in the crossfire between those two and that it may not have been fair to me. There were a couple of lessons I learned from that situation. The first one is that if you have multiple bosses and they're giving you different directions, do the best that you can to bring them together and make sure that they get aligned on whether you should do A or B. Now in some cases you may be able to do both, but most likely if the direction is definitely different between those two, do the best that you can to bring them together and have them do the work of getting aligned on which way we're going. The second lesson I learned applies to me as a leader. When I have peers, who influence the people in my organization, I need to be mindful of making sure that my direction and my peers' direction are aligned, or at least in a similar kind of direction. as opposed to pushing complexity down into the organization and expecting people to reconcile all the opposing views that they're getting and trying to work things out. Lack of integrity. As with most companies, the company I was working for at the time had a policy that if you went out to dinner on business, then the highest ranking person would pay the bill and then they would submit their expense report so that their boss would approve it. Well, on several occasions, I noticed that my boss, who invited us out to dinner, would get one of us to pay the bill so that he could approve it. And then, of course, he was ordering extravagant items, very expensive wine, and so on and so forth. But he didn't have to get his boss to approve it because he made one of us essentially violate the company policy and pay so that he could approve it. The lesson I learned from that situation is that integrity matters. And that goes triple for leaders. When integrity is out anywhere, it is out everywhere. When you demonstrate a lack of integrity, not only do you lose credibility and respect, but you put others in a situation where they now have to choose whether they need to demonstrate their integrity by ratting you out or just kind of play along. And unfortunately, this is a common problem when the boss lacks integrity or they're doing something that is just not right. And the people around them are hesitant to bring it to their attention. And then that cycle continues on. Absent-minded and unapologetic. There was a time when I was getting a pay raise every nine months. I was a highly rated manager and I was getting my pay raises every nine months. So I changed assignments and I went into a new assignment and nine months came and went and it was 12 months and still no pay raise. So I decided to ask my manager about my pay raises. So like what is going on? And she said to me that she had processed my pay raise. I was supposed to get one at around nine months and asked me if I got it. I said, no, I didn't get it. Then she went back to her records and all of this and turned out that she had made a mistake in processing it. She didn't really process. She had thought she had submitted it, but she had not. So I got my pay raise after about 13 months or so. So I decided that I should at least have a conversation and say, is there anything that you can do to make this right? Because I know you intended to give me the raise at that time, but you made a mistake. And to my surprise, she completely blew up and told me that I was expecting too much and so on and so forth, just absolutely did not own up to the fact that this was her mistake and she should really make it right. The extra money for three or four months didn't really make or break me, but it did teach me a lesson. The lesson learned is that we all make mistakes, and when we do, we should own up to it and make it right. And when we can't make it right, make it up to the person in some other way, or at least don't blame them for the mistake that you made. Jealous boss. I was once asked to join the president's team. It was because I brought a certain passion and set of skills and he wanted me to be on his team. Now, there were many other people on this team who were higher ranking people and I started working with them, collaborating with them. And on one occasion, the president had asked me to take care of certain things and I was excited, I was really making it happen and I felt that I should collaborate with the person who usually takes care of those types of things. It was a people initiative and this other individual that I felt I should collaborate with was a higher ranking HR person. So I went up to them and I said, look, this individual had asked me, the president had asked me to take care of this and I wanted to get your thoughts on it and see how we should handle it. And I immediately felt a shift in their mood and how they were kind of thinking about this. And they're like, well, why did they ask you to do this? This is my job. I said, well, you know, I guess they figured that I could handle this, but I will collaborate with you. And so, but I immediately could tell that this person was not feeling okay with this. And they were clearly jealous and thinking that now I'm taking something away from them. As far as I was concerned, I was no competition for them. This was not a competition. This person was clearly higher ranking. I had tremendous respect for them. And I was just basically supporting the work. In that moment, it became real clear to me that they were threatened by sort of my increasing influence on the president. The lesson learned here is be secure enough in your own abilities and contributions that you're not threatened by other people. And certainly not by People who are more junior than you in the organization, who are just genuinely trying to get better and make a contribution, support them as opposed to being threatened by them and feeling like they are taking away your credit. No personal life allowed. During a very tough turnaround situation that I was leading, I had the audacity to attend my son's graduation. He was graduating from high school and I took just a few hours to attend his graduation. Now keep in mind, I had been working many hours, long hours, you know, six, seven days a week because we were in a really tough spot. But in this particular situation, one of my bosses higher up in the organization was just blowing up my phone during those couple hours that I chose to go and tend to a family priority. And once I ended up calling her back after the graduation ceremony, she proceeded to again, just be belligerent and completely the issue that the person was concerned about could have easily been taken care of by my team. but they wanted to get my attention and make sure that I knew that my work should be a priority. The lesson learned here for me was that treating people with dignity and respect and respecting their boundaries and allowing them a little bit of flexibility to have a personal life should not depend on their performance. Even if the person's performance is not acceptable, they still deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. People don't judge us as leaders based on our best behavior. They don't judge our character when everything is going well. They know what we're made of when our true colors show up, when the going gets tough, and then we treat them any old way. and that is what they remember about us. In closing, I want to just reiterate that no matter what situation you're dealing with, there is something to be learned. There are great many bosses out there. There are people within your organization that you can learn things from. You can be inspired by them by using them as a role model that you want to emulate, but you can also learn from the tough situations that you deal with, those situations can also teach you a lesson and guide you in who you want to be and what you want to do and how you don't want to show up and how you don't want to behave.

Summary

Some of the best leadership lessons I've learned came from great bosses who inspired me and showed me what good leadership looks like. But surprisingly, I've learned just as much, if not more, from bosses who displayed significant toxic behavior. During my 31 years in the corporate world, I experienced situations that taught me not only what kind of leader I wanted to become, but also what kind of leader I never wanted to be. In this video, I share several of those experiences and the lessons I took away from them.

One of the most important lessons came from what we called the Wednesday Night Massacre, when my boss publicly humiliated four of us for making a change to a maintenance outage plan that we believed was in the best interest of the business. That experience taught me two things: Don't let fear of your boss prevent you from doing what is right for the business, and never embarrass people in front of their peers. You can be firm, hold people accountable, and make your expectations clear without sacrificing their dignity.

Another experience involved what I call “rehearsed intimidation,” when my boss and her boss essentially staged a confrontation rather than having an honest conversation with me about the challenges we were facing at the plant. That taught me that difficult conversations should never be premeditated dramas. Leaders should listen, understand, and respond rather than simply deliver a rehearsed message.

I also experienced a no-win situation in which senior leaders swooped into a struggling plant to solve problems themselves, putting us in a position where they would be heroes if they succeeded and we would still be blamed if they failed. That taught me that leaders should be supporters and guides, not heroes. Other experiences taught me the importance of integrity. When leaders compromise their integrity, they don't just damage their own credibility; they put the people around them in an uncomfortable position where they must decide whether to speak up or go along.

Some of my other experiences were equally revealing. I had a boss who made a mistake processing my pay raise and then became defensive when I asked her to make it right. I encountered a jealous boss who felt threatened when the president asked me to take on an initiative that fell within their area of responsibility. And during a particularly difficult plant turnaround, I was made to feel that attending my son's high school graduation for a few hours was somehow unacceptable.

These experiences reinforced several principles that I carry with me today: Own your mistakes. Be secure enough in your own abilities that you aren't threatened by others. And never make people feel that their personal lives don't matter. Most importantly, treat people with dignity and respect regardless of their performance. People don't judge our character when everything is going well. They see who we really are when the going gets tough and our true colors show up.

Looking back, I'm grateful for the lessons I learned from these difficult experiences. I certainly wouldn't want to repeat them, and I wouldn't wish them on anyone else. But I also recognize that every situation presents an opportunity to learn something. We can learn from people who inspire us by emulating their behavior, but we can also learn from people whose behavior teaches us what to avoid. Even toxic bosses can become valuable teachers if we are willing to learn from the experience. We may not get to choose the people we work for, but we can choose what we learn from them, what kind of leaders we become, and how we show up for the people who depend on us.

Key Points

Not every teacher in your career will be someone you admire. Some of the most important lessons come from seeing what not to do.
Respect your boss's expectations, but don't allow arbitrary rules to override sound business judgment.
Correct behavior privately, make expectations clear, and hold people accountable without compromising their dignity.
Listen, understand the other person's perspective, and respond thoughtfully rather than delivering a preplanned performance.
Empower your people to solve problems and become the heroes rather than swooping in to take over and claim the credit.
When multiple bosses or leaders have different expectations, bring them together and get aligned rather than expecting employees to reconcile their differences.
When leaders compromise their integrity, they lose credibility and put others in uncomfortable positions where they must decide whether to speak up or go along.
When you make a mistake that negatively affects someone else, take responsibility, correct it when possible, and don't blame the person who was affected.
Don't let jealousy or fear of losing influence prevent you from supporting talented people who are trying to make a difference.
A person's right to be treated with respect should never depend on how well they are doing their job.

Quotes

“Some bosses inspire you to become more like them. Others teach you how not to be. You can learn valuable lessons from both.”
“Don't let your fear of your boss prevent you from doing what is right for the business.”
“Embarrassing people in front of their peers is never a good idea.”
“Difficult conversations should be about helping people hear your message and feel understood.”
“Leaders should be supporters and guides, not heroes.”
“When integrity is out anywhere, it is out everywhere.”
“Be secure enough in your own abilities and contributions that you're not threatened by other people.”
“Treating people with dignity and respect should never depend on their performance.”
“People don't judge our character when everything is going well. They know what we're made of when the going gets tough and our true colors show up.”